tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38352860379497789062024-02-20T09:18:33.206-06:00Candle LakeJenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-87796802070282582262022-06-16T02:24:00.000-05:002022-06-16T02:24:58.009-05:00Late Night Thoughts<p>Having some feels today/tonight. Not all bad by any means, but keeping me awake kind of feels. </p><p>It's too close to fathers day (both my dads have passed & it still hurts). Having a memorial for my uncle in a couple days & even though i miss him, it makes me think of my aunt (his late wife) & my mom even more...i miss them so much.</p><p>Mutually decided to back up a relationship & rebuild the friendship foundation. It was totally the right decision for us both. Though it did sadden me a lil. </p><p>So much swirling around in my head. Think I'll just be a kitty tomorrow if anyone needs me. Ya know, lay around & back in the sun? Yep, that's what i wanna do. </p><p>I mean, once i actually fall asleep. Which i hope happens soon cuz my head hurts too.</p>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-66666742590536293642019-01-16T15:15:00.001-06:002019-01-16T15:15:31.041-06:00Hospitals suck<p dir="ltr">It's been a crazy couple weeks. I've been kinda quiet. Some of y'all know what's been going on, some not. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Mom has been sick, basically, since New Years. She's been in the hospital since the 4th. There have been a few ups & downs in that time. Thanks to everyone that had called, texted, or visited. Mom sure appreciated all the good thoughts & kind words. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I've been staying at the hospital with her. Man, those recliners suck to sleep in...but my mama wanted me there, so that's where I was.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sorry to anyone that I may have ignored or not kept touch with; this crap is hard. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I've been thinking about it for awhile now; I'm going to start a caring bridge page for her. That way anyone that wants to know how things are going or how she's doing can just look there. I'll let people know when I'm done with it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Currently, I'm home...sick...and just texting mom for updates on how she's feeling. Ugh, I hate being sick. Guess the hospital had been a lil draining.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Here's hoping mom can come home tomorrow & that I feel well enough again to help make that happen. </p>
Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-56427488463063161552018-08-13T22:32:00.001-05:002018-08-13T22:32:37.610-05:00It’s that time of year again...<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The time when I’m drawn into the past a little. I find that it’s not all bad lately, though. These thoughts all remind me to be thankful for where I am in life, the things & people that I’m surrounded by, as well as how far I’ve come. Also a motivator for where I want to go, what I want to do, & things I want to accomplish. But first...</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nineteen years ago tonight I was laying on my parent’s couch, not being able to sleep, and preparing for what would be the most exciting day of my life up until then. I was getting married! I have such wonderful memories of that day. Les, my groom, looked so handsome...so did my dad & my brothers (as well as Donny & Gabe). All my girls were with me...my nieces & my closest friends & my sisters-in-law & my mom, of course...they looked so beautiful. The sun was shining & it was beautiful out, though a little warm, it wasn’t unbearable. The ceremony was lovely. The reception was awesome, though my family gets a bit rowdy at times, at the time I didn’t know anything but that we were all dancing & having a good time. Nothing could have brought me down from that cloud I was floating on that entire day.Looking back now I’m sure it wasn’t perfect, but nothing ever is, right?</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Now I’m reminded to cherish the time I have with those I love. Maybe I hold on a little tight sometimes...or a bit loosely too from time to time...fear will do that to a person. Or it does that to me anyways. Apparently I’ve no real middle ground. I’m afraid to be hurt. I’m afraid to love someone & lose them again. It’s hard & it broke me the last time in a way to changed me forever.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe those changes weren’t all bad. However they were difficult changes. Changes I don’t want to try to rebuild myself from again. Broken pieces put back together can still make something beautiful, right? Not the same, but beautiful nonetheless. </span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Those are my thoughts tonight. What are yours?</span></i>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-44266841894436638132014-09-25T13:58:00.001-05:002014-09-25T13:58:27.047-05:00Savoring What I Love<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 13.65pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i style="line-height: 13.65pt;"><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Prompt: Savoring is the capacity to notice and appreciate the
little joys, the small pleasures, and the enjoyable moments in our everyday
lives.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #0070c0; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Walk around your home and savor what you love. It could be a
painting someone gave you, a lamp you found at a flea market, or the smell of
something cooking in your oven. Then write about it...<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First let me apologize about the lateness of my post...</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There are so many things around my home that I love, that bring
me back to places or moments in my life that I want to remember or feelings
that I want to invoke. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The first thing I see is a pair of earrings that my dad
brought me from Colorado quite a few years ago now. A pair that I would never
wear, they’re super cute with lil forget-me-not flowers inside but gold…I never
wear gold cause I’m such a silver girl.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The various mosaics that Tesha has made me. A covered bowl
that I put wishes inside. An old wine bottle made into an oil lamp that I have
a stuffed monkey hanging from. An awesome green mirror in my closet. A small
purple box with a cool flip up mirror. Such awesome stuff, cool memories.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The vase that Jenni painted a castle on for me. Makes me smile
every time I see it. Makes me think of happier times.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The journal that Amy & Gabe gave me for my first
anniversary. The journal/sketchbook that I picked out when Amy & I were
looking for journals for our Journaling Through Grief group. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* So many pictures. Memories. Smiles. Love.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* Baking. Apple pie cause it’s that time of year for me. Custard
pie cause it makes me think of my dad. Cookies cause it makes me think of G
(she loved to sneak cookies).<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* Bernard. Alex. My lil pink kitty from when I was a baby.
Benji. Christopher. My blue and brown bear also from my childhood. So many cute
stuffed animals with so many memories.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There is so much that I savor in my home. So many things that
bring back times & places that I want to remember or lessons that I don’t
want to forget or even people that I miss and cherish. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The heart shaped handprint that we helped Tristin make and
paint for my parents.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The gazebo next to the pool…it has shingles now, the last
thing my dad had a chance to do to it.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* My mom’s wind chimes hanging in the kitchen.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* Dr. Mario still playing on the Nintendo in the basement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* All dad’s boxes of comics.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The big wolf picture in the living room that Les & I
bought for mom our last Christmas together.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The bear wrapped in a receiving blanket that G loved to
cuddle.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The china cabinet in the basement full of glasses that were my
grandma’s or my great-grandma’s…mom sometimes drinks wine out of them with me…such
a special treat…making new memories while cherishing old ones.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">* The painted on saw that dad got specially for mom.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-11269571416780191372014-08-07T10:54:00.002-05:002014-08-07T10:54:17.650-05:00Who was kind to you this week?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>Kindness can be defined so many different ways
& looked at from so many differing angles. Kindness could be a smile on a
particularly icky day. Kindness could be hugs when you’re sad. Kindness could
be a foot or backrub. Kindness could be in the form of a conversation that
needed to happen. I have been showed much kindness since last I blogged. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>I spoke with a new admissions advisor, Jared, at
school a few days ago. He was a nice guy, seemed to be really sympathetic and
understanding of everything I had been saying about the past year and some
change of my life. It’s time to get school back on track and he’s going to help
me do that.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>A couple friends had my mom & I over for
dinner and a bonfire on Friday. It was nice to be able to get away from
everything for a bit and just be. It’s been a bit since I’ve been able to do
that. Plus it was great to see my mom smiling, laughing, and having fun.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>My awesome boyfriend (seems like such a crazy
title at my age, right? Oh well.) gave me a backrub after a long day with two
of my Goddaughters and a grueling team practice. He gave me a backrub even
though he had played Ultimate all night as well. It was such a sweet thing to
do, I thought. Then he cuddled with me until I fell asleep. Yeah, I know, I’m
mushy when it comes to him. He just seems to bring that out in me.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>Had a great dinner with my biological father,
Doug, Connie, Jen, Kayla, Josh, Brittney, Melanie, Makenzie, Daniel, Tad, Ethan
& Hailey...oh and Hannah-bean and Jace (aka baby cuteness). It was a bit
chaotic but went really well, I think. It was Ethan & Hailey’s first
exposure to my extended family. Oh, they’ve met my mom, but meeting my
brothers, their wives, my nieces, and nephews well it can be a lil overwhelming
to say the least. They were a lil shy at first but my girls really took to them
nicely and were great with them to help make them feel comfortable. It was
really great to see.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>I’ve also been talking to an old friend. Someone
who is very dear to my heart. Or has been in the past anyways. We’ve had some
nice talks lately. I’m uncertain what will come of it but I’m hopeful. In any
case I find that just being able to have friendly exchanges with her is a kind
of gift to me…a kindness of both of our parts, I think.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><i>I’ve also had a few nice conversations with my mom
this week. Conversations that I feel we’ve needed to have for awhile. I still
think she needs to talk to someone that isn’t me about all the emotional stuff
that she’s feeling about losing dad but that’s a story for another blog post altogether. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-57673608344658456712014-08-01T01:05:00.005-05:002014-08-01T01:20:54.268-05:00Seven Songs That Speak to Me (and Why)...<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">There are so many
songs and lyrics in my head. So many that speak to me. And so many that whisper
to me in the dark. All music moves me in one way or another, but some songs
either have special meaning for me or bring back special memories or whisper to
me of things that I need to remember or shouldn’t forget. So why would I not
pick this topic when it’s my turn for the blog topic? Just cause it was my idea
doesn’t mean it was easy for me to pick songs, though. I need to start giving this some more thought...dang...but then is easier really better?!</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">So in no particular
order here are my seven picks:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">1. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/AHZCAcSh7ls">Cryin’ for Me by Toby Keith</a></b> ~ This song
will probably always make me cry. Not just because it’s such a beautiful song,
but because it will forever make me think of my dad and my grandma. I guess
that’s what happens when you have songs played at funerals. But the words to
the song are so true…I cry not for the person that is gone but for me being
left here without him/her.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">Got the news on Friday
morning<br />
But a tear I couldn't find<br />
You showed me how I am supposed to live<br />
Now you showed me how to die<br />
I was lost til Sunday morning<br />
I woke up to face my fear<br />
While writing you this good bye song I found a tear<br />
<br />
I'm going to miss that smile<br />
I'm going to miss you my friend<br />
Even though it hurts the way it ended up<br />
I’d do it all again<br />
<br />
So play it sweet in heaven<br />
Cause that's right where you want to be<br />
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you<br />
I am cryin' for me<br />
<br />
I got up and dialed your number<br />
Your voice came on the line<br />
That old familiar message<br />
I have heard a thousand times<br />
It just said, sorry that I missed you<br />
Leave a message and god bless<br />
I know that you think I am crazy<br />
But I just had to hear your voice I guess<br />
<br />
I'm going to miss that smile<br />
I'm going to miss you my friend<br />
Even though it hurts the way it ended up<br />
Id do it all again<br />
<br />
So play it sweet in heaven<br />
Cause that's right where you want to be<br />
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you<br />
I am cryin' for me<br />
<br />
Oh<br />
<br />
So play your upsidedown, left handed<br />
Backward bass guitar<br />
I'll see you on the other side superstar<br />
<br />
I'm going to miss that smile<br />
I'm going to miss you my friend<br />
Even though it hurts the way it ended up<br />
I'd do it all again<br />
<br />
So play it sweet in heaven<br />
Cause that's right where you want to be<br />
I'm not cryin' cause I feel so sorry for you<br />
I am cryin' for me<br />
<br />
I'm still cryin'<br />
I'm cryin' for me<br />
Oh<br />
I'm still cryin'<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">2. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/l9MxKFMP_08">I Will…But by SHeDaisy</a></b> ~ Another great
song with a great message! This song speaks to me all those things that I want
to remind myself of everyday. I deserve happiness, I deserve someone who loves
me for me, I deserve to not settle for less than all of that. Sometimes it’s
great to have these reminders in musical form.</span></i><i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">I won't be bored<br />
I won't be ignored<br />
Hey!<br />
<br />
I won't be your dirty secret<br />
I won't be your cure-all pill<br />
And I won't run to fetch the water<br />
Just to tumble down the hill<br />
<br />
I won't be your Friday paycheck<br />
I won't be the prize you flaunt<br />
And I won't be your Martha Stewart, baby<br />
Or your all-night restaurant<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Chorus]</span><br />
But I will, I will, I will be your everything<br />
If you make me feel like a woman should<br />
I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang<br />
You know I will...but<br />
<br />
I won't be your crutch to lean on<br />
I won't wear stiletto heels<br />
I won't walk a mile in your shoes<br />
Just so I know how it feels<br />
<br />
I won't be your obligation<br />
I won't be your Barbie doll<br />
I won't be the portrait of perfection<br />
To adorn you wall<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Repeat Chorus]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Bridge]</span><br />
Hey - you know, you know I will<br />
All right<br />
<br />
I won't be your lifetime girlfriend<br />
I won't be just one of the guys<br />
I won't be your mama's favorite<br />
I refuse to be the last in line<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Repeat Chorus]</span><br />
<br />
Yeah, I will, I will, I will be your everything<br />
I will, I will be the whole shebang<br />
I will, I will be your everything<br />
I will, I will, I will, I will - yeah<br />
<br />
You know I will<br />
You know, you know I will<br />
You know I will<br />
You know, you know I will - yeah<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">3. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/qjGSXGCi4Fc">Crash and Burn by Savage Garden</a></b> ~ I love when an artist writes his/her own music. Savage Garden is
one of those bands that write almost all of their own stuff. Even if I didn’t
love their sound, I’d respect them for that. This song reminds me that I don’t
need to be perfect and I don’t need to pretend that I am either.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">When you feel all alone<br />
And the world has turned its back on you<br />
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart<br />
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you<br />
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold<br />
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore<br />
<br />
Let me be the one you call<br />
If you jump I'll break your fall<br />
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night<br />
If you need to fall apart<br />
I can mend a broken heart<br />
If you need to crash then crash and burn<br />
You're not alone<br />
<br />
When you feel all alone<br />
And a loyal friend is hard to find<br />
You're caught in a one way street<br />
With the monsters in your head<br />
When hopes and dreams are far away and<br />
You feel like you can't face the day<br />
<br />
Let me be the one you call<br />
If you jump I'll break your fall<br />
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night<br />
If you need to fall apart<br />
I can mend a broken heart<br />
If you need to crash then crash and burn<br />
You're not alone<br />
<br />
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain<br />
And when it's over you'll breathe again<br />
You'll breath again<br />
<br />
When you feel all alone<br />
And the world has turned its back on you<br />
Give me a moment please<br />
To tame your wild wild heart<br />
<br />
Let me be the one you call<br />
If you jump I'll break your fall<br />
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night<br />
If you need to fall apart<br />
I can mend a broken heart<br />
If you need to crash then crash and burn<br />
You're not alone<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">4. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/VWEI8Y91dQ0?list=UUxir0xXs3u8EnMzTRIjwZJQ">Hurry Home by Jason Michael Carroll</a></b> ~ A
great story of unconditional love. A reminder that it does exist, that it can.
And that it doesn’t matter what life throws at you or what you’ve been through
or done, you are still loveable. A great reminder to be sure.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191; padding: 0in;">[Verse 1:]</span></i><i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br />
He's been sittin' by the phone since she left<br />
But it's time for work and he just can't be late<br />
So he grabs his old guitar and he plays a couple bars<br />
On the machine<br />
Then he softly sings<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Chorus:]</span><br />
It doesn't matter what you've done<br />
I still love you<br />
It doesn't matter where you've been<br />
You can still come home<br />
And honey if it's you<br />
We've got a lot of makin' up to do<br />
And I can't hug you on the phone<br />
So hurry home<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Verse 2:]</span><br />
Well the message light was blinking when he got back<br />
It was an old friend callin' cuz he just heard the news<br />
He said man I hope you find her if I see her I'll remind her<br />
That her daddy's worried and wantin her to know<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Chorus:]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Verse 3:]</span><br />
Well the days dragged by without a word from her<br />
And it looked like she might not be coming back<br />
People said man don't you think it's time to take that old message off<br />
He said no you never know when she might call<br />
She was just outside a bar in New York City<br />
Her so-called friends had left her all alone<br />
She was scared he wouldn't want her<br />
But she dialed up that old number and let it ring<br />
And then she heard him say<br />
<br />
<span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">[Chorus:]</span><br />
It doesn't matter what you've done<br />
I still love you<br />
It doesn't matter where you've been<br />
You can still come home<br />
And honey if it's you we got a lot of making up to do<br />
And I can't hug you on the phone<br />
So hurry home<br />
He walked in just in time to hear her say<br />
"Dad I'm on my way"</span></i><i><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191; padding: 0in;"><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span></i><i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; display: none; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hide: all; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Top of Form<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #376092; display: none; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hide: all; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Bottom of Form<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">5. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/bJdw9uFrKKM">You Can’t Hide Beautiful by Aaron Lines</a></b>
~ This song is so me. I’m sure it’s not surprise to those close to me that I’ve
always had “issues” when it comes to how I view myself. We are often times our
own worst critics, right?! To think that someone can see past all that to the me
that is true is a gift beyond measure. This is what this song says to me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">She says don't stare at me<br />
She's afraid that I might see<br />
Those 5 extra pounds she talks about<br />
I don't know what she's talking about<br />
<br />
She looks through magazines<br />
With every page she dreams of<br />
Looking like somebody else<br />
I wish she wasn't so hard on herself<br />
<br />
Then she falls asleep with just my t-shirt on<br />
But even when her hair's messed up and her make-up's gone<br />
<br />
You can't hide Beautiful<br />
You can't hide wonderful<br />
There's nothing that she has to do<br />
It just comes natural<br />
She makes it look easy<br />
I love what she does to me<br />
No way to disguise<br />
The way that she shines<br />
You can't hide beautiful<br />
<br />
She can take a simple dress<br />
Put it on and turn some heads<br />
Everytime she moves she gets me<br />
She doesn't even know she's sexy<br />
<br />
And the way she thinks sometimes<br />
Out of nowhere blows my mind<br />
She makes me laugh and makes me dream<br />
I love the way she looks at things<br />
<br />
A little piece of heaven god gave to this world<br />
She might think she's just an ordinary girl<br />
<br />
You can't hide Beautiful<br />
You can't hide wonderful<br />
There's nothing that she has to do<br />
It just comes natural<br />
She makes it look easy<br />
I love what she does to me<br />
No way to disguise<br />
The way that she shines<br />
You can't hide beautiful<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">6. <a href="http://youtu.be/vdgT9ThSMLk"><b>Ask Me by Amy Grant</b> </a>~ This is one of
those songs that brings me to tears…every time I hear it. For so many reasons.
It’s a sad story, to be sure. It also reminds me of things I’d rather forget, a
time in my life that I wish was just a bad dream. But it also speaks of hope
after that crazy time. And hope after such a time is an important thing to have…a
great time to remember.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">I see her as a little girl
hiding in her room<br />
She takes another bath and she sprays her Momma's perfume<br />
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind<br />
But it haunts her mind<br />
<br />
You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif<br />
And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid<br />
Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear<br />
<br />
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heaven<br />
Where did He go in the middle of her shame?<br />
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heavens<br />
I see no mercy and no one down here's naming names<br />
Nobody's naming names<br />
<br />
Now she's looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face<br />
No more frightened little girl, like she's gone without a trace<br />
Still she leaves the light burning in the hall<br />
It's hard to sleep at all<br />
<br />
So she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse<br />
Deep inside she's listening for a creaking in the house<br />
But no one's left to harm her, she's finally safe and sound<br />
There's a peace she has found<br />
<br />
Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heaven<br />
Where did He go in the middle of her shame?<br />
Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heavens<br />
She said His mercy is bringing her life again<br />
<br />
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
Where did He go in the middle of her shame<br />
(Where did he go?)<br />
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
She said His mercy is bringing her life again<br />
She's coming to life again<br />
He's in the middle of her pain<br />
In the middle of her shame<br />
Mercy brings life<br />
He's in the middle<br />
Mercy in the middle<br />
<br />
So ask me how I know<br />
Ask me how I know, yeah<br />
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
Yeah, ask me how I know<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
Ask me<br />
Ask me<br />
Ask me how I know<br />
(How do you know?)<br />
There's a God up in the heavens<br />
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">7. <b><a href="http://youtu.be/_5iD_er3Fb4">Mi Vida Loca (MyCrazy Life) by Pam Tillis</a></b> ~ A feel good song. A reminder that life is crazy yet
enjoyable and that we aren’t alone. Beyond all of that it is also a reminder of
a time in my life when things were simpler…and of great times with friends that
I’ve lost touch with over the years.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel<br />
Cause I take corners on two wheels<br />
It's a never-ending circus ride<br />
The faint of heart need not apply<br />
<br />
Mi Vida Loca over and over<br />
Destiny turns on a dime<br />
I go where the wind blows<br />
You can't tame a wild rose<br />
Welcome to my crazy life<br />
<br />
Sweetheart before this night is through<br />
I could fall in love with you<br />
Come dancing on the edge with me<br />
Let my passion set you free<br />
<br />
Mi Vida Loca over and over<br />
Destiny turns on a dime<br />
I go where the wind blows<br />
You can't tame a wild rose<br />
Welcome to my crazy life<br />
<br />
Here in the firelight I see your tattoo<br />
Mi vido loco, so you're crazy too<br />
<br />
Mi Vida Loca over and over<br />
Destiny turns on a dime<br />
I go where the wind blows<br />
You can't tame a wild rose<br />
Welcome to my crazy life<br />
<br />
We'll go where the wind blows<br />
And I'll be your wild rose<br />
Welcome to my crazy life<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="color: #953735; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #953735; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent2; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">Special Mentions:<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/56HSPQHSqEE">Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/Lb9q1ScC4cg">Dirt Road Anthem by Jason Aldean</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/ve8sNTqrzCw">Kick It in the Sticks by Brantley Gilbert</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/8N2k-gv6xNE">Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/W2uzp7WN074?list=PLyXWYrMF_w_pqp9lXb4nQygzjS4L3zzt7">The Red Strokes by Garth Brooks</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/BAcstCYcZzQ">Get Off On the Pain by Gary Allan</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/_MOavH-Eivw">Girl In a Country Song by Maddie & Tae</a><o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/Vv5bjStr5bA?list=LLfSXvYATDrU3ePh9Ge36Law">Amame by Alexandre Pires</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/p7QYo-9SlP0?list=LLfSXvYATDrU3ePh9Ge36Law">Vuelve by Ricky Martin</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="color: #376092; font-family: "Bookman Old Style","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #376092; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: lumm=75000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent1; mso-themecolor: accent1; mso-themeshade: 191;">~ <a href="http://youtu.be/3YxaaGgTQYM?list=LLfSXvYATDrU3ePh9Ge36Law">Bring Me to Life by Evanescense</a><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
</div>
Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-35713383036039900972014-07-25T00:48:00.001-05:002014-07-25T00:48:23.814-05:00I wish I could...<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So many things come to mind when I think of things I wish I
could do. So many. Now to decide if I should be realistic or just be no holds
barred. *lol* Or maybe just a lil bit of both.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ The first thing that popped into my head when given this
prompt was an old Diamond Rio song, "One More Day:"</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last
night I had a crazy dream</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A wish
was granted just for me</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
could be for anything</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
didn't ask for money</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Or a
mansion in Malibu</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
simply wished, for one more day with you.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
more day</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
more time</span></i><i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">One
more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied</span></i><i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But
then again</span></i><i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know
what it would do</span></i><i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Leave
me wishing still, for one more day with you.</span></i><i><span style="background: #EEEEEE; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yeah, I'd wish for more time with my dad. I miss him terribly. I
miss his advice. I miss his voice. I miss his hugs. I miss his unconditional
love. But I know that one more day just wouldn't be enough. Or to have met my
mom's mom, Grandma Donna. I wish I could have known her. I've heard so many
stories and she seems to have been such a firecracker. A woman strong enough to
keep my hard-headed grandpa in line.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ The next thing that popped into my head was that I wish I
could have a baby of my own. I know that it's just not in the cards for me, and
I've resigned myself to that reality, but some lil piece of me still yearns for
that. </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ I'm beginning to think that I maybe watched/listened to/read
too many fairy tales growing up. Ugh. Unrealistic expectations of love. Which
leads me to my next thought...part of me yearns for that "perfect
love." White picket fence and all. *lol* Anyways, in all seriousness, I
wish I could get married again. There I said it (or typed it rather but it's
all the same, right?). In truth I don't think that marriage is the only way to
have a committed partnership but there's just something about the titles,
husband and wife. Yeah, I want that again someday.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ I also wish I could travel. It would be so wonderful to see
the world. Even just traveling in the United States would be great. I've never
seen the ocean...and I really want to. I want to go somewhere that is not home
and see places that take my breath away. Whenever I think of this, I remember
our family road trip to/from Tennessee. Having mom and dad stop on some back
road in the mountains so that Tesha & I could wade to the center of the
river/stream to get a rock. *giggles* I still have my rock. It was an amazing
trip. One I will always remember. I want that again.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ I wish I could find a way to work from home. Maybe selling my
mosiacs. Taking something that I love to do and making money from it would be
amazing...and wonderful. This is something totally doable, though.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">~ I wish I could publish some of my poetry...as well as start
writing more. Something I've always wanted to do. Even if I end up with the
only copy ever, it would be so awesome to have my poetry in book/mini-book
form.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...have a raised garden.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...dye purple streaks in my hair (just a couple).</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...be a better
friend...girlfriend...aunt...cousin...sister...daughter...person.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...take some dance classes.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...earn my second degree black belt.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...take a few cooking/baking classes.</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">...get more sleep.</span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-65271641399310131792014-07-17T14:21:00.001-05:002014-07-17T14:21:36.503-05:00Rules of Friendship<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Wow. This one is a hard one for me. Mostly because I feel like I'm at a place where I'm rethinking all the things that I think friendship entails or should entail.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Let me start out by saying I'm not sure there are any real cut and dry "rules" of friendship. I mean, friendships evolve and change and grow as the people do, right? So maybe then the "rules" of friendship are just an altered version of the "rules" of life. </i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Be kind to yourself...and others.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Be honest....with yourself and others. Along with that, I think, should come don't be afraid to say no...and don't be afraid to say yes.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Be real. Trying to be someone you're not isn't fair to anyone.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Don't judge. You know that whole, those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones saying? Totally true. None of us are perfect.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Allow yourself to be vulnerable. If you aren't vulnerable with your friends, then why are you friends with them? Friends are allowed to do things like that.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Be random...and spontaneous. Sometimes it's just needed.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Make time...for yourself and each other.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Show that you care. Sometimes words just aren't enough, actions are needed.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>~ Listen...which goes hand-in-hand with talk. Both are necessary, just not simultaneously.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>This is just the beginnings of a list...I will revisit this later, after work...</i></span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-53694401770265974612014-07-10T01:47:00.000-05:002014-07-10T01:54:03.431-05:00Blogging Together<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>A couple friends and I decided that we would blog together since we all enjoy writing. A way to stay connected even if it can't be/isn't in person.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>We all plan to blog on the same topic/prompt each week and then post in our own blogs. We'll take turns each week deciding on the writing prompt, and have agreed that our posting deadlines will be Thursdays.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>We just finished week two's blogs. This is going to be so much fun!</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Check out their blogs:</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br style="background-color: white; color: #555544; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18.200000762939453px;" /><a href="http://drivingwiththewindowswideopen.blogspot.com/">Driving with the Windows Wide Open</a></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><a href="http://themidnightcafe.blogspot.com/">The Midnight Cafe</a></i></span><br />
<br />Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-36606802700820708052014-07-10T01:33:00.001-05:002014-07-10T01:33:48.573-05:00What Gives Me Peace When Sad or Mad?<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>It was my turn to pick our prompt this week. It was harder to come up with than I thought it would be. I hope my friends find it as thought provoking and interesting as I hoped it would be.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Peace can be achieved in many ways.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>If avoidance is what I'm looking for a movie or a book will do. Sometimes that's how peace comes, by not thinking of the thing that I'm sad or mad about. Very seldom to I do this, though, as I don't think that it's real peace.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Conversations with close friends...whether at a home, coffee shop or park...are usually a source of peace. Or definitely a means to achieving peace. Those talks help me to see things from other perspectives, which can be very helpful from time to time. Sometimes new perspectives are just what are needed to see the overall picture in a clearer light.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Another means of achieving peace when I'm sad or mad is to clear my thoughts, organize them if you will. I often do this when I'm swimming, relaxing by the pool, weeding the rose garden, or doing anything outdoors, communing with nature. Creating mosaics, making something beautiful and useful out of something that was once broken and thought to be useless by some. Baking or cooking also help me to clear my mind.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Music. Jammin' to music, dancing with music, singing along with my favorite songs. Music can be very soothing or healing. Music can be anything that you want it to be. Music can invoke any emotion that you want it to.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Karate. Cuddling with my kitty. Laughing and playing with my nieces, nephews or friends. Reminding myself of the things that I'm grateful to have very much leads me to a more peaceful state of mind.</i></span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-57014515144303177362014-07-03T02:53:00.000-05:002014-07-03T02:53:29.105-05:00I'm happiest when...<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">...the sky is clear and blue, the sun is shining, and I'm laying in my hammock just listening to music or the animals around me; enjoying nature & the day.</i><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...the stars are bright in the sky on a warm, clear night.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...laughing and joking around the bonfire with friends and family.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...laying in his arms, with him stroking my hair, feeling safe and cared for.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...curled up in bed, petting a furry purring kitty.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...reading.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...in the kitchen: baking and listening to music and dancing.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...exploring new coffee shops with great friends.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...cruising down the road, windows down, breeze blowing thru my hair, jamming to some tunes.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...holding a sleeping baby.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...doing karate.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...weeding the rose garden.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>...writing.</i></span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-69830579351036477112012-05-03T12:06:00.001-05:002012-05-03T12:06:59.142-05:00Stomp Out Suicide 5k Run/Walk for AwarenessStomp Out Suicide 5k Run/Walk for Awareness
Saturday, August 25th, 2011
Goodview Park
Goodview Avenue, Wyoming MN
Stomp Out Suicide 5K Run/Walk for Awareness will be an event for the entire family and will revolve around a 5k Run/Walk at Goodview Park in Wyoming, MN on Saturday, August 25th, 2012. This event is being created out of love and hope. Funds raised from this event will be donated to SAVE, a Minnesota (Bloomington) based organization.
The event will have entertainment for every age group and is meant for the whole family to enjoy. Live music, kids area and some good food are just a few of the activities planned in addition to the 5K. The spirit of the event will be one of fun, music, food, family and friends. To see the race route, click here.
Registration Information:
Run/Walk Registration - $25.00 before 8/24/2012 $35.00 day of event
Kids 12 years and younger - $15.00 before 8/24/2012 $20.00 day of event
All registrations include a t-shirt
9:00 a.m. Check-in/Registration
10:00 a.m. 5K Run Starts
10:05 a.m. Walk Starts
Schedule:
9:00 a.m. Registration
10:00 a.m. Runners start
10:05 a.m. Walkers start
<i>Here's a link to my donation page <a href="http://save.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&eventID=533&teamID=5074"></a>
Such a great cause! And very near to my heart. I'd love to get at least a few more peeps to walk with me...anyone interested?</i>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-6265051278596072112012-04-19T22:22:00.003-05:002012-04-19T22:28:34.378-05:00Global Citizenship & SAVE...So I'm taking this Global Citizenship class this quarter. Really just reminds me of the things that I want to do & that I told myself I would do. I have a service-learning project that I need to do for this class. Oh, then write a paper about my reflections. Reminded me to re-connect with the SAVE people, make a more conscience effort to actually volunteer, to do my part to make a difference. In doing that I was looking around on their website, checking stuff out. I found that they're doing the usual walk (at Lake Harriet, August 25th) but that they're also doing a walk closer to my house (Wyoming, August 11th). Yay! So I registered for it & created a "team"...hoping to be able to talk some of my friends into walking with me. I think some of them will. Double yay!<br /><br />Here's a link to my page.<br /><br /><a href="http://save.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=533&participantID=2004">http://save.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=533&participantID=2004</a>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-51624681083662778302011-05-07T23:19:00.001-05:002011-05-07T23:19:49.729-05:00Random thoughts...Am I a bad person because I hardly remember him? His touch, his scent, they allude me. Its hard to picture his face. His voice I can no longer hear, in its place is silence. Its been so long yet seems like only yesterday at times. Sometimes its like he only existed in my mind.<br /><br />Some days I just ache. For what life could have been had he chosen to stay. He deserved a longer time here. Mi familia did not deserve the pain of his loss.<br /><br />Maybe I didn't fight hard enough. His choice, I know, but still...<br /><br />Everywhere around me I see beauty & happiness. Some days I think this ache, this pain, keeps me from it...or I allow it to anyways. Afraid to care, afraid to be hurt. Not wanting to be far, but scared to be close too.<br /><br />Not sure what all this means. Maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe I'm just ready to fight harder. Maybe I'm ready to face my fears...of being alone, of being hurt again...Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-51293354260636188382010-03-11T01:56:00.000-06:002010-03-11T02:01:45.240-06:00rambling thoughts...Have a bit on my mind...makes it hard to sleep lately...<br /><br />Been thinking and come to some important decisions. I've decided to start dating again...that I can't wait for someone...only to be hurt in the end...that its time for me to look for happiness elsewhere...I deserve to be wanted by someone who WANTS to want me...And its time for me to take that to heart...<br /><br />Had a friend tell me, "Don't ever waste your time waiting. You should be #1 not a second choice if things don't work out." Definitely what I had been thinking...<br /><br />Now to put the plan into motion...it's hard, though...I feel like my heart just isn't in the game anymore...Nic told me then I should take my heart out of it and see what happens. He's usually right. Don't tell him I admitted that, though.Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-87183560613793485752010-03-11T01:54:00.000-06:002010-03-11T01:55:46.574-06:00Sunday night's dream...I was with M, we were in a dark, dank cave like place. It was cold & musty smelling. I could see tiny spiders crawling on the walls around us. Kinda creeped me out. I don't really like spiders, but I leave them be if they leave me be.<br /><br />It seemed like he was leading me around in a maze. We were arguing about something. Then I saw some spider webs on the ceiling above where we were going to be. I saw the huge spiders crawling around in the webs. My heart started beating fast & I was scared. I didn't want to go that way but there was no other option. It was either this way or back the way we had come, that just wasn't an option to me. I tried to scrunch down so they wouldn't touch me. When we got under them, the huge spiders started crawling out of the webs. Two of them landed on me. There were more headed toward me. I fell to the ground & screamed & screamed. That's when I woke up...Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-75080815792832570702010-03-01T23:19:00.000-06:002012-08-06T12:41:45.030-05:00So...can i tell you something?Ok, so, I need to be serious for a minute...and I just need to tell this...cuz I need to say it to someone...k?<br />
<br />
Wait, I just realized that to accurately tell this I need to tell about the things leading up to it...dang, I hate that...oh well, here goes...<br />
<br />
So, M set up a time to finish swapping our stuff, right?! Not a huge deal, it was time to get all my stuff back anyways and way past time to get rid of his. So, he was supposed to bring my stuff to my work & then I'd give him his, right? Right...only he didn't bring mine! Mildly irritated me, but no biggie, right? Right.<br />
<br />
Til he started texting me later that night. Though when it started I didn't think it was a big deal cuz I was trying to be all amicable and stuff. I mean, we do have alot of the same friends. But when I started responding in a way that he didn't like, he got mean and hurtful. I told him I didn't want to talk anymore and fell asleep.<br />
<br />
I woke to three texts from him. One saying, "we chatted a few months ago, you haven't changed." So I thought, whatever. The second one was obviously unimportant to me cuz I don't even remember what it says. But the third, yeah, that's the one that pissed me off, "Les was right." And that's all it said. Instantaneously pissed me off! Dude, for real, you gave up the right to talk about my dead husband when we broke up! I sent him back a text that said, "You crossed a line. I didn't deserve that. I don't want to talk anymore." He spent like three or four texts explaining to me that he didn't mean it that way (never did say what way he did mean it). And all I did was keep sending the same text back, "You crossed a line. I didn't deserve that. I don't want to talk anymore." That was January 4th.<br />
<br />
He texted me again January 12th, "Happy birthday." Ok, nice sentiment but still unwanted. I deleted it without a reply.<br />
<br />
Then he replied to a pic on FB, which I then deleted. That was January 15th. On the 17th, he sent an email about me deleting the pics. I again chose not to reply and just deleted it. The next morning, he sent me a text asking if everything was ok. Ok, now I'm getting mad...which part of I don't want to talk anymore was unclear?! After talking with a good friend of mine, I sent back, "I want no further contact with you. If you continue I will consider it harassment." Pretty clear, right?!<br />
<br />
So he stops talking, finally...or so I think. Then he sends me, "Happy Valentine's Day." Really, dude?! I mean, really?! My only reply, "which part of no contact did you not understand?" So far he hasn't sent anything else.<br />
<br />
Though I have found out that he asked a friend to spy on my life for him. Grrr. Oh, and wanted to know from said friend if it would be okay to send me flowers. More grrr!<br />
<br />
Which brings me to this...<br />
<br />
The reason that the whole "Les was right" thing pissed me off is cuz the only thing that Les was very passionate about toward the end was that his life wasn't worth living if I wasn't in it...and as much as M pisses me off, but I don't think I'd handle it well if he killed himself too...So his seeming obsession with my life & what's going on in my life is a lil freaky for me...and a lil scary too...cuz Les almost brought me with him...So, I'm trying not to let that get to me, cuz I know that he knows all of this & how I'll react to it...and I hoped telling would help...Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-10199817238990209462010-01-04T08:49:00.001-06:002010-01-04T08:49:30.965-06:00Now wasn't the time...You never told me lies.<br />You never said pretty words that were untrue.<br />I was always me,<br />You were always you.<br /><br />It was so nice to not be judged.<br />It was so nice to just be me.<br />No masks, no hiding, no one to appease.<br /><br />I never asked you for more,<br />I knew now wasn't the time.<br /><br />You helped me to heal in ways I didn't even realize.<br />I tried to help you too.<br />You were there when I was scared,<br />when I was hurting & blue.<br /><br />It was so nice to not be judged.<br />It was so nice to just be me.<br />No masks, no hiding, no one to appease.<br /><br />I never asked you for more,<br />I knew now wasn't the time.<br /><br />Now I find myself reaching,<br />But I stop afraid you're not there.<br />I tell myself it doesn't matter,<br />That it doesn't mean you don't care.<br /><br />But...<br /><br />It was so nice to not be judged.<br />It was so nice to just be me.<br />No masks, no hiding, no one to appease.<br /><br />I never asked you for more,<br />I knew now wasn't the time.Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-37075842980514905982009-12-08T10:30:00.000-06:002009-12-08T10:38:10.154-06:00I still haven't found what I'm looking for...<span style="font-style: italic;">Maybe I am destined to be alone.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Maybe there is no family in my future.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> No husband.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> No children.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> No happily ever after.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> So I try not to hope.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> And I try not to yearn.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> And I pretend there's no ache.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> I put on the mask & smile for all to see.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> While, silently, inside I cry.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> I don't always wear the mask.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Some do see the real me.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> They say the things I so want to hear.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> For a lil while I can believe.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> For a lil while I can hope.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Its growing harder to contain.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> It no longer wants to be caged.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> The loneliness.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> The ache.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> The fear.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To be wanted.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To be cherished.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To be desired.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To be needed.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> To be loved.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> I can see it in my dreams.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> I can feel it in my soul.</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> But...</span><br /> <br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Maybe I am destined to be alone...</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">December 1, 2009<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">I wrote that last week...</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">I was sad when I wrote it...</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">but wow it brought me to where I am today</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">...allowing myself to be patient & wait for whatever it is that life is going to show me...allowing myself the right to be happy...it's taken me a long time to get here, to this place where I have the right to be happy and I deserve the love that I long for...and I will damned if I am going to let fear or loneliness hold me back or take me down. Sometimes it's harder than others to remind myself of this. Luckily I have really awesome friends who care for me and who aren't afraid to tell me the things I might not want to hear or who say the things that I need to hear. It's good to feel grounded. To feel happy. And to feel love, from mi familia y mi amigos...<br /></span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-57955027329387156512009-11-11T00:14:00.000-06:002009-11-11T00:57:45.382-06:00This Year's November Thoughts...So, it's that time of year again for me...maybe some of you reading don't know what exactly November is to me...don't worry, I'll tell you...for me November is heartache, pain, remembrance, betrayal, weakness, loneliness....but it's also become a time for renewal, laughter, new memories, & new beginnings...<br /><br />Sometimes it's hard to believe that it's been seven years. And others it's hard to believe it hasn't been more. It's always like that when someone that you love dies unexpectedly, right? Harder still when it was their own choice. *sigh* It's hard for me to remember that not everyone that knows me knows about this moment in my life. It's one of those moments that change a person forever.<br /><br />I told him I was leaving on Friday. He went to stay with my parents because I didn't want him in the house anymore and he didn't know where else to go 'til he found a different place. Sunday night we had dinner and he took my wedding ring off while I slept and deleted his contact info from my cell. He gave the ring to my mom to hold onto. We argued about the ring and my cell.<br /><br />Tuesday I decided that I didn't want to go home that night, that I needed to not go home. Doug, my oldest brother had called me that afternoon and asked how things were going. He told me that my husband had asked a mutual friend for a gun. I didn't know what to think. All I knew was that I wasn't going to sit home alone that night.<br /><br />He called while I was out that night, I didn't answer. He left a voicemail saying how it would be better this way. I thought he meant he was leaving town.<br /><br />I woke the next morning to a call from my mom. <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"I've been checking on him all night. I'm not sure he's breathing and I'm afraid to go in and check."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">"If you're afraid to go check, then you have to, Mom."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"Oh God, I'll call you back."</span><br /><br />When the phone rang again and it was my dad, I knew.<br /><br />Driving to their home from St. Paul was one of the hardest things I've done. I thank my lucky stars every day that Doug was working in Shoreview. I'm not sure I'd have made it all the way to Oak Grove if Doug hadn't met me in Shoreview and driven the rest of the way.<br /><br />I don't want to go into much more detail but suffice it to say when they ask you if you want to go in the room with the body, the response should always be, "no thank you."<br /><br />The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. Dad met me in the driveway with a hug. Amy was there. Jenni was there. Tesha was there.<br /><br />He left a three page note. He left 14 voicemails on his cell phone for me to listen to and one on mom's phone telling us to listen to his. He left three notes at the house.<br /><br />For so long it was hard to convince myself that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't. He made his choices. He was sick (bi-polar, unmedicated). Even knowing all of that, sometimes it's still hard to not see it as my fault. I mean, I could have stayed and tried harder to make things work. I could have answered the phone that night when he tried to call. I could have went home. But what if's and could have's and should haven't aren't going to get me anywhere.<br /><br />Sometimes it's still hard to wake and not have him there. Heck, sometimes it's hard to fall asleep without him there. I'm honest about it to myself. I get points for that, right?! But I remember why I was leaving. I remember being unhappy and feeling like I deserved to be happy.<br /><br />I still think I deserve to be happy. In November, it's just harder, sometimes, to remind myself why.<br /><br />This year has been harder, for alot of stupid reasons. Lost my job then found a new one. Broke up with my boyfriend. Fighting with my parents. Just feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to turn.<br /><br />Which brings me to the reason I started this entry...I have the coolest friends ever. They've all been really supportive. Thanks, y'all.<br /><br />I had some really great talks with Tesha & Amy over the weekend...our November trip. Gosh, I think it's our fifth one. Cannon Falls. Wisconsin. Hastings. Lake Pepin. Not necessarily in that order.<br /><br />Some really great talks. Talks we probably should have had years ago. Because how can your friends know the things that you need from them if you don't tell them?! So, I'm working on telling them all the things that I've been afraid to tell them for years. The things that I was afraid would worry them or would make me seem weak.<br /><br />It's okay to tell your friends that you need cuddles or someone to just hold you, let you cry and tell you everything will be okay. And, it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel sad and it's okay to feel alone sometimes. It's even okay to feel weak. The one thing I learned this year is that even when feeling all of that, it's okay to reach out. You have to reach out, even if you think that your problems aren't as important as the ones that your friends already have. Let them make that choice. Let them show you how important you are to them. Let them try to help you.<br /><br />I'll write more about the discussions another time...it's getting late and I need to get some sleep...Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-14553058271608435392009-08-06T01:48:00.000-05:002009-08-06T01:49:28.112-05:00sometimes love just ain't enough...<span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >never thought i'd say that...or believe it...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >sometimes in the ebb & flow of life, we need to get away from the water before it pulls us too far in & we drown...<br /><br />i've been trying to stay afloat too long...it's time to crawl on shore and curl up somewhere safe...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:georgia;" >*looks around for a tree to curl up under, wiping the tears away*</span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-34055904764223243722009-08-03T17:08:00.000-05:002009-08-03T17:16:58.174-05:00*sigh*<span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">so much going on...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">lost my job, and though that really sucks i feel so much less stress...it's been a long time since i was happy there...now time to find something new...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">and M, wow...so much there...so many decisions to make...well, ok, maybe just one decision...do i stay and try to work on things or do i leave? i know that he loves me...i love him too...but is it enough? do i stay with him cuz i know he loves me? or do i leave cuz i know any change would only be temporary? it sort of comes down to how much do i love myself...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">the ebb & flow of life...lately i feel it pushing me into the water, deeper and deeper...and all i can do is try to swim, try to stay afloat, try not to let it drown me in the pain...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">it is August after all, why is it that the two most painful times in my life are toward the end of the year? August and November...Goddess, sometimes i just hate those months...just 11 short days and it would have been 10 years and he's been gone almost seven now...some day i'll be able to look at a calendar and not dread August & November...someday...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">those are my thoughts for the day...and probably part of what's making my head hurt...</span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-38837511740842701842009-07-02T19:07:00.001-05:002009-07-02T19:07:30.943-05:00*grrr*<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">i'm so mad right now...okay, so granted i've been hating my job a bit lately anyways but still...and, yes i know i'm lucky to have a job (there are those that don't)...and i'm happy to have one, sometimes i just wish it wasn't this one...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">so for the past two and one half days i've been working on rental applications & renters insurance & changing utility billing & getting all the lease stuff together for one of our other locations. first, it's not in my job description so i'm a lil frustrated that i'm the one doing it anyways. but if our sales manager would have just brought the f*cking money order in last night like i told him to (with 2.5 hours to spare) he would have had the keys in hand and been able to move in last night...but, NO, he had too many things to do. forget the fact that i've only called 4 clients in the past 3 days or the fact that i had to go over everything from start with the lady at the rental office since he didn't tell me anything that i needed to know to talk to her. i mean, hello, her name would have been nice for starters. so, for the second time this week i'm staying at the office late, missing my karate class, cuz no one could get their stuff together...i'm so mad! and no one seems to think it's a big deal. and that just makes me more angry...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">*deep breath* okay, i'm a lil better now...i need a vacation, well a different job for sure, but definitely a vacation...</span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-17896426357925059702009-06-16T12:43:00.000-05:002009-06-16T13:30:58.305-05:00Thoughts on Suicide...<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">I have a few things weighing on my mind lately so I'm going to take the advise of a close friend (you know who you are) and try to put some of it down in writing...bare with me, I'm a bit scatter-minded lately...so I'll start with one of the most pressing things on my mind today...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Suicide...we all cringe when we see it in writing & weep a lil inside when we hear of it, but what do you do when someone close to you takes his/her own life? We're supposed to grieve & move on, right?! Yeah, whatever...like it's that easy.<br /><br />It's been years now (almost 7) yet I still remember it like it happened yesterday. The call, the call that I'll never forget.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">"I'm afraid to go check on him. Afraid he's not breathing."</span><br /><br />"Then you need to go in there."<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">"I'll call you right back."</span><br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">The words no one ever wants to hear. </span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">He's gone. The shock. The loss. The hurt. The anger. The all-consuming rage. And the heart-wrenching pain of loss.<br /><br />I still have no idea how I drove as far as I did. I don't remember the drive, not really. I remember the conversations that I had while I was driving. Yeah, yeah, talking while I was driving...how else was I to stay sane? I'm grateful that my oldest brother was in Shoreview that day, he met me & drove the rest of the way to my parents' home.<br /><br />I'm also thankful for all my friends that were with me that day (Amy, Jenni, Tesha)...if it weren't for them, I probably would have just curled up into a ball & cried for weeks. I'm so thankful to have them. For listening to me. For crying with me. For remembering with me. For breaking things with me. For helping me write that stupid obituary. </span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">For cooking with me. For laughing with me. For letting me be me. For just being who you are. For all of that & so much more, I'm thankful for your friendship.</span></span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">And all the help that they have been since still amazes me. I do have wonderful friends, real friends...and I love them with all that I am.<br /><br />So what, you ask, has me thinking such deep thoughts lately. A friend who lost her brother to suicide asked me to do a suicide awareness walk with her in August, then another friend lost someone close to her to suicide. It all made me think that suicide touches our lives in more ways then we're aware.<br /><br />I found the following thoughts, that I found way helpful, on this great website. Keep in mind that they are just excerpts of a bunch of useful information...I just thought these were great, even without all the other stuff. Simple, yet profound.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.save.org/">http://www.save.org/</a><br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">When the worst has happened and you have lost a loved one to suicide there is little that can be said to comfort you.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">It is okay to grieve. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">It is okay to cry. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">It is okay to heal.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">It is okay to laugh. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Essential is to have at least one person who will allow them to grieve or give them permission to grieve. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">You can postpone grief but you cannot avoid it. As other stresses come along, one becomes less able to cope if one has other unresolved grief.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">It requires a great deal of energy to avoid grief and robs one of energy for creative expression in relating to other people and in living a fulfilling life. It limits one's life potential.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">All that left me feeling like this walk that I'm going to do in August is the start of something wonderful. More healing, but not just for me, for so many others as well. By raising the awareness, by sharing my pain, I can help give a voice to all those that no longer have theirs.</span><br /></span>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3835286037949778906.post-36980515940299542352009-05-12T12:35:00.000-05:002009-05-12T12:40:54.405-05:00fighting demons & other thoughts...<p>so one of my online friends posted about fighting demons & it really spoke to me...</p><p>you know the demons, the ones that come out when you're already feeling down & you're alone & it's late at night...</p> <p>there have been so many of my friends lately that have been battling inner demons...trying to get through it on their own...to them i just want to say, we all do fight these d*mn demons...and we will make it through it...</p><p>i'm like many others, i hate asking for help...thinking i can fight them on my own...thinking i <strong>need</strong> to fight them on my own...sometimes it's hard to remember that we have friends, hard to remember that when the demons come to fight...and it is hard to remember, sometimes, that it's okay to reach out to one another...hard to know who is real...but, there is hope...there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even when the tunnel seems endless & all that surrounds you is dark...</p> <p>for me the only option is to fight...i won't be the coward & let the demons win...i can't...having been the one left behind, there is no way i could do that to my friends, my family, the ones i love...i couldn't leave them wondering why or what if...</p> <p>i have more then once woken to a call from a friend battling these demons...more than once threw on whatever was closest to go be with a friend that reached out...more than once stayed up all night, on the phone or in person, cuz a friend needed someone to be there...i would never not be there when someone reached out if it was within my power to be there...</p><p>sometimes we just don't realize that we've stepped off the cliff until it's too late...i always want to be there to put the trampoline in place so we can bounce back up together...or catch & hold a friend close...or just be that shoulder to cry on or ear that will listen...find a way to show (if it's in my power to do so) that there are people that care & even when it may not seem like it things will be okay in the end...<br /></p>Jenn J.http://www.blogger.com/profile/05130263843371330263noreply@blogger.com1