I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Maybe I am destined to be alone.
Maybe there is no family in my future.
No husband.
No children.
No happily ever after.

So I try not to hope.
And I try not to yearn.
And I pretend there's no ache.
I put on the mask & smile for all to see.
While, silently, inside I cry.

I don't always wear the mask.
Some do see the real me.
They say the things I so want to hear.
For a lil while I can believe.
For a lil while I can hope.

Its growing harder to contain.
It no longer wants to be caged.
The loneliness.
The ache.
The fear.

To be wanted.
To be cherished.
To be desired.
To be needed.
To be loved.

I can see it in my dreams.
I can feel it in my soul.

But...

Maybe I am destined to be alone...

December 1, 2009

I wrote that last week...I was sad when I wrote it...but wow it brought me to where I am today...allowing myself to be patient & wait for whatever it is that life is going to show me...allowing myself the right to be happy...it's taken me a long time to get here, to this place where I have the right to be happy and I deserve the love that I long for...and I will damned if I am going to let fear or loneliness hold me back or take me down. Sometimes it's harder than others to remind myself of this. Luckily I have really awesome friends who care for me and who aren't afraid to tell me the things I might not want to hear or who say the things that I need to hear. It's good to feel grounded. To feel happy. And to feel love, from mi familia y mi amigos...