*sigh*

so much going on...

lost my job, and though that really sucks i feel so much less stress...it's been a long time since i was happy there...now time to find something new...

and M, wow...so much there...so many decisions to make...well, ok, maybe just one decision...do i stay and try to work on things or do i leave? i know that he loves me...i love him too...but is it enough? do i stay with him cuz i know he loves me? or do i leave cuz i know any change would only be temporary? it sort of comes down to how much do i love myself...

the ebb & flow of life...lately i feel it pushing me into the water, deeper and deeper...and all i can do is try to swim, try to stay afloat, try not to let it drown me in the pain...

it is August after all, why is it that the two most painful times in my life are toward the end of the year? August and November...Goddess, sometimes i just hate those months...just 11 short days and it would have been 10 years and he's been gone almost seven now...some day i'll be able to look at a calendar and not dread August & November...someday...

those are my thoughts for the day...and probably part of what's making my head hurt...